You Don't Mess With the Zohan (2008)

O Masterpiece
O Excellent
O Good
O OK
X Mediocrity
O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 18, 2008

Though I can’t give him much credit for “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan,” Adam Sandler has taken some chances and ventured out from his junior-high-school humor and tried some different roles, much like Robin Williams and Jim Carrey have. I have to admire it when an otherwise one-trick pony like Sandler takes refreshing risks.

Most recently there was “Reign Over Me” (2007), where Sandler plays a man broken by his grief over losing his family in the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. That was a dramatic role. “Spanglish” (2004), where Sandler plays a good-hearted chef, would be another prime example of an atypical Sandler film. And then there was Paul Thomas Anderson’s near-masterpiece, “Punch-Drunk Love” (2002), where Sandler delivers the role he was born to play.

But “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan” is more of the same old adolescent, locker-room jokes. In fact, “Zohan” should not be rated PG-13; it should have received an R rating. Blatant sexual innuendo pervades the film. I’ll send a big bottle of Paul Mitchell hair product to anyone who can name another PG-13 film that has more ejaculation humor than “Zohan.” If this movie has one such joke, it has 20 — and none of them is subtle.

But here’s what I want to know: How many times in a row are ejaculation sight gags funny? Are these jokes even funny the first time? No, not really.

Though the plot is ridiculous, it’s original. “The Zohan” (Adam Sandler) is an Israeli counter-terrorist whose warring skills make him a blend of Sayid, from “L O S T,” and Superman, from Krypton. Here is one of the movie’s major wrong turns. Instead of capitalizing on the opportunity to include legit action and fighting scenes that would surely dazzle the movie’s target audience (aka 14-year-old boys), “Zohan” opts to go with cartoonish, defy-all-the-laws-of-physics-and-gravity sequences.

This miscalculation isn’t comical, as it is intended; instead, it’s distracting. Think about it: If you watch someone who’s purposely trying to be funny, he or she has a more difficult time making you laugh (unless you’re watching an exceptionally gifted comedian, which Sandler is not). But when you watch someone do something funny who’s not necessarily trying to be funny, it’s hilarious. Plus, the distraction breaks the verisimilar spell of the movie, and we remember that we’re stuck subjecting ourselves to another dumb Adam Sandler flick, though, not as dumb as “Little Nicky” (2000).

Back to the plot: Zohan, the super soldier, decides he’s finished with violence. His heart’s secret desire is to move to New York City to cut and style hair, making people “silky smooth.” At one point Zohan says, “I like hair. It’s pleasant. It’s peaceful. No one gets hurt.”

But like all movie characters who try to bury their old lives and start fresh, the Zohan cannot escape from his past. Whereas, in real life, we have guys like D.B. Cooper, the parachuting skyjacker who mysteriously disappeared with the $200,000 he swiped from a Boeing 727 in 1971. If he survived his daring jump, his old days don’t seem to haunt him at all.

Naturally, “Zohan” has several cameos and countless advertisements. Inevitably, 14-year-old boys will probably love this movie. Unfortunately, if we’re honest with ourselves, “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan” is a waste of time for anyone of any age.

Directed by Dennis Dugan
Adam Sandler / John Turturro / Emmanuelle Chriqui
Comedy 113 min.
MPAA: PG-13 (for crude and sexual content throughout, language and nudity)

U.S. Release Date: June 6, 2008
Copyright 2008: 297