Speed Racer (2008)

O Masterpiece
O Excellent
O Good
O OK
X Mediocrity
O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 17, 2008

Well, at least they tried, right? I mean, why not? Looking back through the extinct-cartoon archives (you know, those cartoons that are no longer on TV?), someone decided it would be a good idea to make “Inspector Gadget” and “Fat Albert” into live-action flicks. So, why not “Speed Racer”?

Well, because it’s not a very good idea. That’s why. “The Simpsons Movie” (2007) took a popular cartoon that’s still on TV and made an animated feature film and it went over quite well at the box office. But digging up old fossils like “Speed Racer” probably isn’t the best way to invest several million dollars, unless you want to lose it.

Young children will thoroughly enjoy “Speed Racer.” It is chock-full of flashy, splashy colors and revving, ramping, race cars. It even has ninjas! And though it has been heavily promoted as a “family film,” and though it has a PG rating, “Speed Racer” has a noticeable amount of profanity. … Why?

I mean, obviously the filmmakers weren’t worried about entertaining the adults — obviously. So, why include the profanity at all? There aren’t any humdingers like the F-word, but it has plenty of the smaller offenders. Protective parents beware.

I’ll tell you what there isn’t much of in “Speed Racer”: plot. After all, it’s a race-car movie. Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch) has a gift for racing. In fact, he is utterly obsessed with it. His late brother, Rex Racer, taught Speed how to tear up the track, and the young prodigy’s talent attracts significant attention.

One day the Racer family is approached by the president of Royalton Industries, E.P. Arnold Royalton (Roger Allam), a corporate mega-giant who becomes dangerously disgruntled toward Speed Racer when the kid refuses to join Royalton’s racing team. And so, races are run (and won) to try to inexplicably settle some intangible moral score; meanwhile, the bad guys cheat worse than Dr. Jones while playing Short Round.

Basically, watching “Speed Racer” is like having your head stuck inside a kaleidoscope for more than two hours. Its ultra-fast editing could even make the so-called MTV Generation dizzy. “Speed Racer” is not much more than a vibrant, green-screen extravaganza: If it were possible for a spectator to overdose on CGI, “Speed Racer” would be a killer.

Directed by Andy Wachowski and Larry Wachowski
Emile Hirsch / Christina Ricci / Matthew Fox
Action / Sports 135 min.
MPAA: PG (for sequences of action, some violence and language)

U.S. Release Date: May 9, 2008
Copyright 2008: 291