The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

O Masterpiece
O Excellent
O Good
X OK
O Mediocrity
O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 17, 2008

I love movies just as much as the next guy, probably more in most cases. So I rarely ever fall asleep during a movie, no matter how paltry it is, unless it’s something utterly reprehensible like “Batman & Robin” (1997). But it is a bad sign when I, who am a lover of martial arts, keep drifting off during a martial-arts action flick. That is what happened to me during “The Forbidden Kingdom.” I know. Nobody cares.

But to be fair, I have a new baby who keeps me up at night, so I may give “The Forbidden Kingdom” another viewing someday because of my intermittent head-bobbing. Rick Moody’s rule is, don’t review a movie unless you’ve stayed to watch the whole thing. Well, I was physically there for the whole thing — if not consciously — so I’ll live on the edge and review it, anyway. And if anyone who reads this review feels I have not described “The Forbidden Kingdom” accurately, then you can correct me. But I think I’ve got a good handle on it, and the movie was merely OK.

“The Forbidden Kingdom” has an awfully risky curtain-raiser: It’s one of those scenes that look so preposterous that people walk out of the theater and demand their money back. But if you stick it out, you’ll obtain some relief by finding out that it was just a dream sequence. Unfortunately, that relief is short-lived because there continue to be storm-out-of-the-theater scenes that are not dream sequences.

Jason Tripitikas (Michael Angarano) is a martial arts nut — he even dreams in kung fu! Little does he know, his dreams are shadows of things to come. Jason loves to visit “Old Hop’s” pawnshop in Chinatown in South Boston. The old merchant (Jackie Chan) who owns the shop is fond of Jason, perhaps because he faithfully buys old martial arts movies from his store. During one of his visits, Jason sees a peculiar bo staff (a martial arts weapon that is essentially a stick) that Hop claims has been there ever since the store opened 100 years ago.

Like all martial arts movies with an initially wimpy protagonist, Jason is afflicted by bullies. And these bullies are of the same caliber of startling cruelty as those found in “Drillbit Taylor.” Is it me, or has the viciousness of bullies waxed worse lately? These hoods make Johnny Lawrence, Danielson’s arch-nemesis, look tame. (By the way, why doesn’t some smart casting director give Billy Zabka another chance, so he doesn’t have to keep playing in movies like “Python 2”?)

Anyway, in the midst of Jason’s flight from the meanies, he takes the bo staff, which magically transports him to rural, old-school China, where he encounters more magical phenomena and more bandits, but is rescued by the martial arts skills of the usually-drunken Lu Yan (also Jackie Chan). This double-role casting that spans characters in both of the protagonist’s worlds is reminiscent of Dorothy’s familiar-faced pals in “The Wizard of Oz” (1939).

Lu Yan immediately recognizes the bo staff as the one that belonged to The Monkey King (Jet Li), the most painfully annoying character since Jar Jar Binks. According to legend, the idiotic Monkey King was magically imprisoned, or banished, or something, by a really mean meanie called the Jade Warlord (Collin Chou), which I thought was kind of a sissy name. (I’m the Sapphire Prince. Fear me.)

The legend also tells of “a seeker” (Jason) who will return the powerful staff to the Monkey King that he might finally conquer the Jade Warlord. So, it becomes their quest to return the staff to its rightful owner, and along the way, they are joined by the helping hands and feet of Golden Sparrow (Yifei Liu) and the Silent Monk (Jet Li). And naturally, the Jade Warlord doesn’t want the staff to return to the Monkey King, so he makes the journey difficult for our intrepid travelers.

That’s the premise. This sets the stage for some martial arts action, but the problem is the movie’s pacing: It has short bursts of fighting action, then long, slow, drawn-out sequences of several quiet, plot-furthering dialogue scenes in a row. Then a quick fight scene. Then long, slow sequences again. It is enough to lull a movie critic to sleep.

According to the Internet Movie Database’s trivia page, “The Forbidden Kingdom” went through five script re-writes, some of which occurred during filming. Yes, such a thing isn’t all that uncommon, but it’s typically symptomatic of bigger problems. Indeed, if “The Forbidden Kingdom” had re-writes, it shows. And if it didn’t, maybe it should have.

But those who were excited about “The Forbidden Kingdom” were not looking forward to a dazzling, coherent script, they were anxious to see Jackie Chan and Jet Li team up for the first time. Yes, that is interesting, but aside from one really good fight against each other, the two are on the same side most of the movie. But I suppose that seeing their one fight against each other would be worth admission for martial arts fans. I guess it’s similar to the way I paid so much money to see Billy Joel and Elton John play together on their Face to Face Tour; as a piano man, I had to see it. And I stayed awake for the entire show.

Directed by Rob Minkoff
Jet Li / Jackie Chan / Michael Angarano
Martial Arts / Comedy 113 min.
MPAA: PG-13 (for sequences of martial arts action and some violence)

U.S. Release Date: April 18, 2008
Copyright 2008: 284