Doomsday (2008)

O Masterpiece
O Excellent
O Rental
O OK
X Mediocrity
O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / March 14, 2008

My Grandpa Olson had no qualms with combining several kinds of cereal in the same bowl of milk. He probably would have gotten along just fine with the makers of “Doomsday,” a hodgepodge mess of a movie that’s got more identity problems than Jason Bourne.

Here’s what I think happened, as near as I can tell: A bunch of movie execs were probably standing around the studio lot one day and noticed an overabundance of punk-rocker outfits, knights’ costumes and other assorted, unrelated materials, and said, “Let’s just use this stuff we already have and make a movie.”

And so we have a “Franken-film,” assembled from recycled props and borrowed plots that we readily recognize as “Escape From New York” (1981), “Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome” (1985), “Aliens” (1986), “First Knight” (1995), “The Siege” (1998), “Gladiator” (2000), “28 Weeks Later” (2007), “Resident Evil: Extinction” (2007), “I Am Legend” (2007), and last but not least, a blatant, unmistakable car commercial for the Bentley Continental GT. In one scene, this movie even seems to be channeling vaudeville.

“Doomsday” opens in our present day, April 2008, in Glasgow, where a heinous virus quickly becomes an epidemic. The “Reaper Virus,” presumably named after “the Grim Reaper,” changes its victims into zombie-like maniacs (“28 Weeks Later”), a development that leads to the swift implementation of martial law (“The Siege”). Scotland is placed under quarantine. A narrator tells us that people are instructed to stay in their homes and wait it out, which is basically a death sentence.

Somehow, a gigantic, 30-foot-high wall is constructed impossibly fast, encircling the infected region, cutting Britain in half. The government seals the entire perimeter, leaving the problematic inhabitants in containment (“Escape From New York”). And, of course, the wall is not passable, in or out, because it’s equipped with watchtower gunmen, living and automated, that fire upon any prospective escapees.

Years pass, and we’re told it’s the year 2035. Inside the wall, social order has decayed, and the survivors have become cannibalistic savages. Outside, the Reaper Virus breaks out again, threatening to overcome the population (“I Am Legend”). But over the years, a military satellite has enabled the outsiders to spy on those imprisoned within the wall. Somehow the people inside have survived; they obviously found a cure.

The powers that be, which include the prime minister, wish to retrieve the cure from the insiders. So they send a combat-savvy Department of Domestic Security agent, Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra), with some over-confident special-agent grunts (“Aliens”), into the interior to recover the cure. And they only have 48 hours, or London will be unsalvageable. Naturally, the uncivilized insiders have violent resentment toward those who left them for dead; and the last thing they want to do is help out by handing over a cure. The hostile interior, by the way, is divided up into two bizarre groups: mohawk-biker-Dreadnock-lookin’ ruffians and, well, knights (“Mad Max,” “Gladiator,” “First Knight”). Yes, knights, as in, “of the Round Table.”

Major Eden Sinclair is more or less Milla Jovovich’s Alice character from the “Resident Evil” movies. She’s tough, cynical, and a little too cocky. At one point before entering the enclosed region, Sinclair is warned about the cannibals and rapists and how there will be no rules and no back-up. To which she flippantly responds, “It’s better that way.”

Another peculiar aspect of “Doomsday” is how we’re supposed to look upon the insiders’ regression and be appalled and disgusted by their downward spiral toward animalism; all the while, the reality is, we are sitting in a theater, paying to watch this for entertainment. That’s funny to me.

Yes, “Doomsday” is cheerfully violent, intending to turn gruesome bloodiness into attempts at humor. It’s supposed to be gross and funny simultaneously. “Doomsday” is the kind of movie that destroys various animals, has tanks (from the year 2035) that can be set on fire, has human body parts flying everywhere — even hitting the camera; and yet — and yet, there’s also a huge castle that has a “gift shop,” no less.

I don’t know why they’re re-making “Escape From New York” again for 2009; we’ve been there, done that, already this year. But if they do, I hope it’s better than this “Doomsday” train wreck. Grandpa Olson’s multi-flavored cereal was much easier to swallow.

Directed by Neil Marshall
Rhona Mitra / Craig Conway / Bob Hoskins
Action / Sci-Fi 105 min.
MPAA: R (for strong bloody violence, language and some sexual content/nudity)

U.S. Release Date: March 14, 2008
Copyright 2008: 258