D-War (2007)

Overall rating from 1 to 100: 48

O Masterpiece (95-100)
O Excellent (75-94)
O Rental (60-74)
O OK (50-59)
X Mediocrity (30-49)
O Avoid (1-29)

Review by Jason Pyles / September 27, 2007

Back when I played with toys, it was only on rare, brief occasions that I would dump out the entire toy box and mix action figures, battling and blending different worlds. Why were those moments only rare and brief? Because it was just weird, and I knew better.

So I ask, why didn’t Hyung-rae Shim, the writer and director of “D-War,” know better?

“D-War” is a conglomeration of multiple other, much more successful fantasy films, with a comic-book quality plot. Oddly, the story explaining the movie’s events, which is already weak, is weakened further by additional, extensively complicated, uninteresting background elements.

Yes, “D-War” blatantly rips off (and poorly, I might add) so many other movies, I’d rather just plagiarize and copy and paste someone else’s review than revisit it by continuing to tell you about it.

Basically, if you’ve seen the droid-Gungan battle on Naboo in “The Phantom Menace” (1999), then you’ve already seen much of “D-War.” But I’m not talking about mere imitation, I’m speaking of potential copyright infringement. For instance, there are shields in “D-War” that you’ll recognize from “Phantom Menace.” And how about Phantom’s big creatures with big, round things strapped on their backs? “D-War” has those, too.

Do you remember seeing velociraptors in “Jurassic Park” (1993)? Because I remember seeing them in “D-War” (except they had wings). Oh, and remember the red-letter design for the CNN logo? “D-War” has the exact same design for its news station, CGNN. Why not simply use CNN, just as other movies do?

And another thing, let’s decide on a title. Although the IMDb.com lists this movie as “D-War,” the movie’s actual title screen reads: “D-War Dragon Wars.” That’s like writing my name “J-Pyle Jason Pyles”; it’s just redundant and repetitive. ... tee he. (Speaking of repetitive, the trailers make it seem like we will see a variety of beasts, but alas, there are only a few creatures repeatedly shown over and over.)

But, there are lots of martial artists. Yes, we go from a dinosaur-ish movie to a “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” (2000) meets “Shogun” (1980) amalgam. These characters don’t really work, either; nor do they fit.

I’ll do my best with the plot (and I’m not making this up): Every 500 years a woman is born with the power to turn a serpent into a dragon. A good serpent called “Imoogi” must unite with “Yuh Yi Joo,” which is something formed in the golden girl’s body, and then the Imoogi snake can turn into a dragon and ascend into heaven. But, there’s an evil serpent called “Buraki,” who has the same goal as Imoogi, but he’s evil. So, the last time the chance came, it didn’t work out. Now, 500 years later, the time has come for this opportunity again. Meanwhile, while these giant serpents try to find the Yuh Yi Joo possessor, they and their cohorts wreak havoc on civilization. I’m pretty sure I got all of that description correct.

I’m being so hard on “D-War” because I believe it could have been much better. Why not just make a movie where, without any explanation, monsters attack cities? That’s what we want to see from a movie like this, not Ryu Hayabusha’s (Ninja Gaiden) dating woes. This movie’s special effects, at times, are marvelous and occasionally rival any big-budget blockbuster’s CGI. The creatures will look convincingly real in one scene, then very crude in the next.

Yeah, I might like this movie if I were still seven years old. But maybe not. After all, I still kept the action figure sets separate during play, even at that age. I suggest that Hyung-rae Shim put all his toys back in the toy box and just focus on choosing one movie title. After that, he can work on writing a good story and screenplay. And if all goes well, then maybe he can play with his dinosaurs or ninjas, but not both.

Directed by Hyung-rae Shim
Jason Behr / Amanda Brooks / Robert Forster
107 min. Fantasy / Action
MPAA: PG-13 (for intense sequences of violence and creature action)

Copyright 2007. 190