Bratz: The Movie (2007)

Overall rating from 1 to 100: 32

O Masterpiece (95-100)
O Excellent (75-94)
O Good video rental (60-74)
O Merely OK (50-59)
X Pure mediocrity (30-49)
O Medusa: don't watch (1-29)

Review by Jason Pyles / August 11, 2007

Oh, the pain. “Transformers” is a movie that is based on a toy, and is, at least, bearable. (In fact, to me “Transformers” is exceptional.) But “Bratz: The Movie,” which is also based on a toy, is icky.

Here’s what I mean: Do you know those situations where someone says or does something and it makes you feel embarrassed for them? Well, for some reason, all through “Bratz” I felt deeply embarrassed, I guess, for the actors (and everyone who was ever involved with this movie). Oh, the pain.

I know you’re second-guessing me right now. What did I expect from a movie aimed at 9-year-old girls, right? Not so. Believe it or not, and I’m reluctant to admit this, I was kind of looking forward to this movie. Why? Because I thought it was going to be another “Clueless” (1995), which I loved. I can’t lie; I’m into “Clueless.” Make fun of me if you wish, but I know you secretly are too.

“Bratz” is not at all like “Clueless,” not even close. Watching “Bratz” is like getting your little brother’s fishing hook caught in your lip during his first casting attempt. Oh, the pain.

Four hip gals begin 9th grade at Carry Nation High School in California. They take the school by storm. But the principal’s daughter, Meredith (Chelsea Staub), who is also the perpetual student body president, is an egomaniac and an absolute control freak. Meredith’s lofty mission is to continue to keep the entire school segregated into orderly divisions of cliques. (This Meredith character is one of the most obnoxious creations in film.)

The new gals, Sasha, Jade, Yasmin and Cloe, are mingling free spirits who believe the cliques should be abolished. In due course, the four new gals are drawn into four different groups and drift apart. When they try to rekindle their bonds of friendship, the evil Meredith wages war against them. I know, absolutely stimulating.

It almost sounds like there’s an underlying metaphor about racism. Nope, that’s not it. (Although, the four lead gals are two white girls, one black girl and one Asian girl; so, I guess that’s good.) Instead, the “moral” of this story is that in high school, people change and drift apart, but the separation doesn’t have to happen. We just need to accept one another’s new directions, and still be friends.

Teaching kids that high school will bring changes in friends is noble. But all of this is destroyed by the movie’s other lessons, such as “whine and you’ll get what you want, which, of course, you’re already entitled to.” Or, how about “expect to be the best and nothing less ... or else you’re a total loser.”

“Bratz” is awfully colorful and awfully contrived. It’s the kind of movie that parades around with phrases of dialogue, such as “BFF” (best friends forever) and “OMG” (Oh, my gosh!), over and over. Oh, the pain.

Because it’s filmed like a toy commercial and one episodic confrontation after another, in the interest of keeping the MTV generation’s attention, “Bratz” is like watching 14 after-school specials back-to-back. “Bratz” is as long and as arduous as high school itself. Oh, the pain.

Directed by Sean McNamara
Nathalia Ramos / Janel Parrish / Chelsea Staub
110 min. Comedy / Drama
MPAA: PG (for thematic elements)

Copyright 2007.
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