TMNT (2007)

Overall Rating From 1 to 100: 63

Directed by Kevin Munroe
Patrick Stewart / Laurence Fishburne / Sarah Michelle Gellar
87 min. Animation / Action
MPAA: PG (for animated action violence, some scary cartoon images and mild language)

Review by Jason Pyles / March 28, 2007

It doesn’t take much to impress the youth of America: “Buck Rogers,” “The Great Space Coaster,” “Voltron,” “Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers” and “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.” See what I mean?

But even if you are a Turtles person, you’ll be sufficiently happy with “TMNT.” It stays true to the four turtle brothers of the 1987 cartoon TV series who are named after great Renaissance masters.

As a Turtle fan, you’ll remember (and try to forget) that there were three full-length, live-action motion picture precursors to “TMNT,” namely “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” (1990), “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze” (1991) and “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III” (1993). This last one was most unfortunate.

But “TMNT” picks up where that trilogy left off in animated splendor. Of course, I’m talking about our contemporary computer animation, so, at times, the movie has an illusion of reality. In this sense, the movie is phenomenal to look at and is quite beautiful.

The Shredder is dead and his foot clan is without substantial leadership. And there’s no Rocksteady, Bee-bop or Krang, either. Since they have little to challenge them, the turtle boys are on a crime-fighting hiatus, doing relatively “normal” things like tech-support jobs or being birthday party entertainers (no, not that kind, you sicko).

But a new challenge resurfaces when the stars properly align, bringing back another formidable team of sibling warriors from long ago. When these ancient siblings return, 13 monstrosities also come back at the same time.

Now, at this point, I won’t go anymore in-depth into the plot summary: 1. Because this is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles I’m writing about. 2. Because the more detailed my description, the nerdier I sound.

I will simplify by explaining that the turtles fight amongst themselves, the ancient sibling warriors, the 13 beasts, the foot clan and each of those groups fights one another. Although I’ve trivialized how the turtles must save the world and their bond of brotherhood, the movie is actually quite fun and entertaining.

My only disappointment was how the filmmakers sold out on Michelangelo’s nunchukas because they’re considered illegal weaponry in countries where this movie will be shown. Oh, they show Mike using them, but in a limited, mostly defensive manner. Yet, as my good friend, Steve, pointed out, Leonardo wields his samurai swords onscreen “like it’s his birthday.”

Speaking of trivial entertainment, I must confess to watching (and loving) WWF wrestling. The Ultimate Warrior, who died 26 times, was my favorite ... for some reason.

Whenever I start feeling bad about myself for my entertainment tastes, I just try to remember that, at one time, “The Dukes of Hazzard” was on at 8 p.m. on Friday nights because that’s precisely what America wanted to watch — prime time. (That TV show lost almost as many Dodge Chargers as wrestling lost Ultimate Warrior actors.)

At least I can say I was never into the lower-functioning kids’ delight: pogs and slammers (the equivalents of the 1930s toys, rocks and sticks — toys for which our grandparents were thankful). As for adolescent-karate turtles, OK, I can see their allure; but I’ll never understand the fascination with pogs.

O Masterpiece (95-100)
O Excellent (75-94)
X Good video rental (60-74)
O Merely OK (50-59)
O Pure mediocrity (30-49)
O Medusa: don’t watch (1-29)

Copyright 2007.
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