Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

O Masterpiece

O Excellent

O Good

X OK

O Mediocrity

O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 24, 2009

Director Michael Bay’s first “Transformers” movie from 2007 is excellent, as far as shameless action entertainment goes. In fact — though it didn’t win — “Transformers” was nominated for three Academy Awards for visual effects, sound editing and sound mixing.

“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” still provides stunning sound and visual effects (hence my “OK” rating), but its atrocious story is utterly ridiculous, even for Michael Bay — and that’s really saying something. Remember “Armageddon?”

Bay is one of those directors whose movies you enjoy, but you’re a little embarrassed to admit it. In planning “Revenge of the Fallen,” it’s as if the three screenwriters jotted down all their ideas during a brainstorming session and Bay decided to use them all.

The first “Transformers” is about an alien race of two feuding robotic clans that seek to obtain a mysterious cube in order to protect or exploit its power, depending on their heroic or villainous dispositions. A fast-talking teenager named Sam Witwicky gets caught in the middle of the transformers’ battle, thanks to one of his ancestors. Sam is played by the hilarious Shia LaBeouf, whose character in “Holes” (2003) also has forbears whose misadventures implicate him.

As for this sequel, “Revenge of the Fallen” begins two years after the first movie, when the malevolent Decepticons want revenge by attempting to destroy the benevolent Autobots, as well as the human inhabitants of the Earth — oh, and also the sun. Yes, this movie is so dire, the villains aren’t satisfied with merely conquering the Earth, they want to destroy the sun, too. The Decepticons’ destructive objectives are all designed to ensure their posterity and redeem “The Fallen.”

It’s no surprise that “Revenge of the Fallen” is nothing more than a summer-blockbuster-popcorn movie aimed at 14-year-old boys, which is fine — especially if you’re a 14-year-old boy. If you’re looking for plenty of pyrotechnics and Megan Fox wearing cut-off jean shorts, a la Catherine Bach, then this your movie. But if you’re looking for a coherent story, you’ll have better luck with “Armageddon.” Again, that’s saying something.

Variety’s film critic Joe Leydon wrote a book called “Guide to Essential Movies You Must See,” in which he suggests that filmmaking pioneer Edwin S. Porter demonstrated how “spectacle is not enough; movies also have to tell compelling stories.” Indeed. Somebody needs to tell Michael Bay that.

Directed by Michael Bay

Shia LaBeouf / Megan Fox / John Turturro

Sci-fi / Action 150 min.

MPAA: PG-13 (for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material)

Year One (2009)

O Masterpiece

O Excellent

O Good

X OK

O Mediocrity

O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 19, 2009

For many years now, the American cinema has been suffering from a disease I call the genre parody. Cringe-worthy movies like “Meet the Spartans” and “Dance Flick” spoof other films, such as “300” and “Step Up 2: The Streets,” respectively.

Following suit, “Year One” borrows a great deal from “10,000 BC” and “Apocalypto,” but it’s better than the comedies mentioned above, because it’s not so grossly exaggerated — though it is gross.

Michael Cera plays Oh, the smartest member of his caveman tribe, and Jack Black is Zed, the village idiot. Oh is a gatherer and Zed thinks he’s a hunter. When the odd outcasts are banished from their community, they begin to wander (along with the plot), encountering biblical people and places, such as Cain and Abel and Sodom — of Sodom and Gomorrah fame.

And it comes to pass, verily, that these unlikely heroes are given the opportunity to prove their worth to themselves and those who had doubted them.

Pairing Jack Black and Michael Cera together as a comedic duo was a stroke of casting genius. Clashing Black’s overstated overconfidence with Cera’s understated timidity is funnier than a tickle fight at your fourth-grade teacher’s house. In fact, the first 10 minutes of “Year One” feels like the two actors are trading punch lines during a stand-up comedy skit.

“Year One” is not necessarily a family film. Its PG-13 rating includes “crude and sexual content throughout” and some so-called “comic violence” that’s closer to Scorsese than the three stooges. Because of the biblical humor and vaguely philosophical dialogue, some viewers might sense a mean-spirited undertone of contempt for religion.

Even though “Year One” rates above mediocrity, by all means, go to the movies this weekend and consider seeing “The Proposal” instead. And if you’re determined to watch a prehistoric comedy, I’d recommend “Caveman” (1981), starring Ringo Starr and Dennis Quaid. It has one of the best musical sequences in all moviedom.

Directed by Harold Ramis

Jack Black / Michael Cera / Olivia Wilde

Comedy 100 min.

MPAA Rating: PG-13 (for crude and sexual content throughout, brief strong language and comic violence)

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009)

O Masterpiece

O Excellent

X Good

O OK

O Mediocrity

O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 12, 2009

Two-thirds of “The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3” ticks away in approximate real time, which means the time it takes for the events to unfold onscreen equals the time they would take in reality. (The cinema typically condenses time, which is how we’re able to watch stories that span days or years in only a couple of hours.)

Notably, this movie’s real-time portion isn’t depicted through long, unbroken takes, as in Alfred Hitchcock’s “Rope” (1948); instead, the plot is delivered as it is in “High Noon” (1952), with several cuts painstakingly aligned to correspond with the minute-hand of your trusty wristwatch — which amounts to impressive, labor-intensive filmmaking.

Denzel Washington plays Walter Garber, a train dispatcher who works at a rail control center in New York City. He happens to be on duty when a madman who calls himself Ryder (John Travolta) launches a hostage-ransom plot by commandeering Pelham 1 2 3, a subway train filled with passengers. If the city of New York doesn’t deliver $10 million within an hour, Ryder threatens to shoot one passenger for each minute the ransom is late.

Travolta portrays this villain as intelligent and unstable — a loose cannon with the volatility of a Quentin Tarantino henchman. Other actors of note include John Turturro as a would-be hostage negotiator, and James Gandolfini (aka Tony Soprano) as an unpopular New York City mayor.

“Pelham 1 2 3” is a remake of a 1974 movie by the same name. Both films are based John Godey’s novel. Unlike many summer blockbusters, “Pelham 1 2 3” is more than just a big, loud action flick: In one scene, Garber’s worried wife instructs him that he must return home safely, because he needs to buy milk. Another moving moment involves an act of pure heroism by a minor character.

Credible little touches like these engage us in a movie that has many scenes that are merely two actors talking to each other over a radio. But the film’s highlight is Washington’s nuanced performance as a flawed hero and good man. I was reminded of another Washington film — perhaps his best — called “John Q” (2002), where he plays a hostage captor.

By the way, real-time enthusiasts should consider seeing “Timecode” (2000), if only for its quartered screen that reveals four, simultaneously unfolding stories that are uninterrupted by editing. And if you’re fond of hostage movies, I recommend “Hostage” (2005), with Bruce Willis. Remarkably, it’s a hostage film within a hostage film.

Directed by Tony Scott

Denzel Washington / John Travolta / John Turturro

Crime 106 min.

MPAA Rating: R (for violence and pervasive language)

The Hangover (2009)

O Masterpiece

O Excellent

X Good

O OK

O Mediocrity

O Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 5, 2009

Recounting tales of drunkenness or mentioning the expression, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” always seems to make people laugh — why? I can’t explain their perpetual humorousness, but these two comedic concepts are the foundation for “The Hangover,” and sure enough, they’re still funny in this movie.

Along with being a comedy, “The Hangover” is also a mystery whose plot duration is three days. It begins with a jittery bride receiving the bad news on her wedding day that her groom has gone missing amid the revelry of his Las Vegas bachelor party.

To build the intrigue behind the groom’s whereabouts, “The Hangover” flashes back two days earlier and shows the four friends taking a road trip from Los Angeles to Sin City. As their wild night begins, the film jumps ahead to “the morning after,” where our curiosity is piqued further as we’re shown the bizarre aftermath of their all-night antics.

The previews reveal that the guys somehow acquire a chicken, a police car, a tiger and a baby — all mysteries because none of them remembers what happened. The true fun of “The Hangover” is learning how all this weirdness transpired, as the trio pieces the evening back together throughout the movie, while searching for the groom.

The director, Todd Phillips, is known for other party movies like “Road Trip” (2000) and “Old School” (2003). Justin Bartha plays the groom, but it’s the other three actors who carry this caper: Bradley Cooper is a restless school teacher and good-times instigator; Zach Galifianakis plays the hilarious yet alarming future brother-in-law; and Ed Helms basically reprises his Andy Bernard persona from “The Office.”

Despite its successes, “The Hangover” has one black eye, so to speak, that’s truly tasteless and borderline illegal filmmaking: In this appalling scene, a baby — yes, a baby — is compelled to make sex-related gestures. Multiple children were used to film the baby’s role, so one must wonder how many parents agreed to allow their child to be exploited this way, and how exactly were those babies persuaded to cry hysterically on cue?

Aside from this lapse in judgment, “The Hangover” is entertaining and reminiscent of Peter Berg’s “Very Bad Things” (1998). More than any other movie I can recall, this vulgar film has a surefire method for persuading its viewers stay for the credits. It’s impossible to leave — no matter how much you’ve had to drink.

Directed by Todd Phillips

Bradley Cooper / Zach Galifianakis / Ed Helms

Comedy / Mystery     100 min.

MPAA: R (for pervasive language, sexual content including nudity, and some drug material)

Drag Me to Hell (2009)

O Masterpiece

O Excellent

O Good

O OK

O Mediocrity

X Avoid

Review by Jason Pyles / June 1, 2009

Movies like “Drag Me to Hell” are irrefutable justification for movie critics, as is the misrepresented marketing of such films. This is the kind of movie where spectators leave before it ends (which happened during my screening) and demand refunds. Unless you’re a special kind of movie-lover, I recommend avoiding “Drag Me to Hell,” but probably not for the reasons you suspect.

Sam Raimi directed this movie, and he also co-wrote it with his brother, Ivan. Now, I should note that both Raimis are fairly competent filmmakers. “Spider-Man 3” (2007), which wasn’t as good as its predecessors, was directed by Sam and both brothers were screenwriters. Noting their abilities lends support to what follows.

The problem with “Drag Me to Hell” is its marketing. It has been portrayed as a serious attempt at horror, but actually, it’s a hybrid of horror and comedy-horror, a la “The Evil Dead” (1981) and “Army of Darkness” (1992) — both Raimi products. Are you starting to get the picture?

Yes, “Drag Me to Hell” is obviously meant to achieve two purposes: to get cheap, jumpy scares and to slip a new, laughably bad cult favorite in on unsuspecting moviegoers. Indeed, if this film’s previews had represented it accurately, its box office numbers would be drastically lower. This is not a pay-good-money to see kind of movie. Remember “Blood Diner” (1987)? It’s not quite that bad, but it comes close at times.

Ironically, Christine Brown (Alison Lohman) — the young woman at risk of being dragged to hell — is a good person. As the movie begins, everything in her life is coming into alignment. She’s dating a great guy, and she’s in the running for a position as the assistant bank manager at a California bank.

But while trying to prove that she can make the tough calls, she denies a grotesque gypsy woman an extension on her loan, which means the old lady will be left homeless. The elderly woman begs, causing a scene, and is removed from the premises. To make a long story short, the creepy woman places a curse on Christine that will result in her being terrorized by a demon for three days, after which she’ll literally be dragged to hell to suffer for eternity ... unless she can find a way to escape the curse.

It wouldn’t be right for me to describe the comical ridiculousness that unfolds (in case anyone still plans to see this movie), but let me just say this: “Drag Me to Hell” could have easily been titled “Scary Movie 5.” And if there ever is a “Scary Movie 5,” even though “Drag Me” seems like a good candidate for parodying, it probably wouldn’t work because the source material is already so farcical.

The point is, this film is made just fine for what its devious creators were trying to accomplish — which is horror-movie kitsch. Judging it in those terms (which are lenient), “Drag Me to Hell” isn’t that bad. But judging it against serious horror movies that really try to be scary, such as “The Haunting in Connecticut,” it’s barely mediocrity.

Ultimately, I’ve panned “Drag Me to Hell” because it betrays what the previews have led people to expect. Don’t forget to hug your local movie critic today.

Directed by Sam Raimi

Alison Lohman / Lorna Raver / Justin Long

Horror     99 min.

MPAA Rating: PG-13 (for sequences of horror violence, terror, disturbing images and language)